Experts

I have been wondering lately about how one becomes an expert on something.

Many people go to school for way too long so they can post a few initials after their name. Certainly, they have the information in their heads, and I would assume that they understand the minute details of what it is they have studied. These seem to rank at the front of the pack when it comes to expertise.

Others work at a particular job or in a specific industry long enough and they have seen and done approximately everything there is to do in that field. They eventually stand in the position of having all the rookies and possibly some of the other veterans approach them for advice.

Still more live long enough to become life experts. Eighty some years on this planet have to count for something don't they? They may not consider themselves experts but to last that long, you have to have done a few things right.

My least favorite is the expert who has no qualifications, no experience and minimal years of life on their resume. Middle school kids are the first group who come to mind when thinking about this brand of expert. On any given day, you will be lucky to get a middle school kid to remember what he had for breakfast, but they can pass out relationship advice like they were Ann Landers, Dear Abby and Dr. Phil all crammed into one pint-sized body.

So how does a person come to be regarded as an expert? Is it one of the four things listed above? Maybe it is a combination of all of them. I wonder if 90% of becoming an expert is being confident enough in what you say or do and then presenting yourself as an expert. There has to be some credibility behind your expertise, but it seems that confidence can get you that "expert" label. Maybe I'll try it.

I have been working with middle school, high school and college students for 13 years now. I am an expert. Maybe I will write a book.

Right after I work in another area of my expertise. I'm off to dunk a few Oreos in some milk and curl them to my mouth. (By "a few", I mean anywhere from 4-17 cookies).

Peace.

Lessons

Thursday was the last day of our after school program for middle school kids. I have been working with students for about 13 years now, students from junior high all the way up to college. It is still amazing to keep learning all the time about how kids think and act. I don't have any advanced degrees with letters after my name. I haven't studied formally about how to deal with teenagers and their many, many issues and concerns. Here are a few things that I did learn, or was reminded of, over the last nine months of working with at risk sixth, seventh and eighth graders.

1. We have no control over who our parents are, what they are like as people or as parents, how much they use their gifts or talents, how much money comes into the house or anything else along those lines. We don't get to choose who gives birth to us and then brings us up in this life. The field isn't always level when we start the game.

2. Middle school boys are often full of deadly odors and they are not shy about sharing with others. Enough said.

3. I got quite an education in gang signs and symbols. I am no expert but I now know some things to be aware of. Gangs are often about being connected and taking care of each other. It's all about being "loved" without actually saying that.

4. Lots of kids don't know how to dream. No one talks to them about what they can do when they "grow up". It is difficult to encourage them to dream and stay grounded in reality at the same time.

5. Emotions run high and logic is often non-existent.

6. Things don't automatically happen just because you spend time with a kid. It is good to let your life be an example, but sometimes you need to teach using words.

7. Kids need to know they are loved; that lays the foundation for everything that follows.

8. Change takes time. We want to change the world, but it is one very small step after another.

There were many more moments of enlightenment, too many to list. Suffice it to say that it was a hard year, but a very good year. Our summer programs start in a week so we will be right back at it. I'll keep you posted.

Peace.

Answers?

I think I had a bit of an epiphany a couple of nights ago. I've never had an epiphany before, that I know of, so it's hard to be sure if I really experienced one or not. If anyone has an epiphany test, please pass it on to me.

Anyway, my epiphany consisted of these thoughts. When I write something, really put my thoughts out for others to peruse, I want it to matter. I want it to be information or insight that people will read and be changed somehow for having read it. I don't want to write just to be putting "something" out there.

I also wrestle with one big question..."Why would anyone want to read what I put down?" The details of what goes on inside my head are not really all that appealing, even to me sometimes, so why would another person want a glimpse of that? I am not confident enough that people want to hear from me.

The epiphany came when I was watching a Cubs baseball game and Mr. T was in the broadcast booth. He was talking about going to visit hospitals and spending time with people and bringing what he had to lift their spirits. Nothing against Mr. T, but why would you want to be visited by a large man in a do-rag and too much bling when you're in the hospital? How would that lift your spirit?

The point is, I have enough in me to say and to write and I just need to do it. I will do my best to get past talking myself out of offering opinions or ideas. I will not worry about how I might be exposed if I write what I really think. I'm going to do it.

Starting with the next post.

Peace.

3 Words Again

Nice holiday weekend. At beach twice. Wrightsville beach Saturday. Figure Eight today. In-laws here. Missouri kids too. Former youth group. Big church Sunday. Most people ever.



Work again tomorrow. Seven days left. Afterschool, that is. Summer programs next. Should be fun.



Not much else. Slight writers block. What to write? Do people read? Questions like that. Just write something. Isn't that right?



Peace.

Seriously

I just read my last post. Wow.

I would like to be a writer. I've talked of that in this space before. I would like my writing to inspire people to dream. I want individuals to be deeply changed after reading what I put before them. I desire for people to see the image of God, the creator of the universe, shining through the words that I put together.

So I wrote about poop.

That's an inspiring, life-changing, never-be-the-same kind of topic, isn't it?

I have found myself working long hours lately and I come home very tired. I have dinner, play with the kids for a short time and put them to bed. I seem to be constantly thinking about things I need to do at work. I seem to have lost some humor somewhere along the way. I don't wonder about things. I don't play much and when I do, I feel a little guilty about it. I don't think I laugh as easily as I once did.

I think I need more poop stories in my life. I need to have rambling conversations with my four year old boy. I need to tickle my daughter until she gives up that deep, belly laugh that starts somewhere near the center of the earth. I need to play basketball and talk trash with my ten year old son.

I have seen it happen in people around me. I have worried about it happening to me. There comes a time when poop stories aren't funny anymore. (As I understand it, poop stories aren't ever very funny to the female portion of the population. That's a separate post.) I don't want to get there. I want to laugh about things that might be slightly inappropriate for an adult to laugh at. I want to have the joy and imagination of a four year old who thinks that something is trying to escape his body and is prevented from escaping by other things that will eventually try to escape in their time.

We have to laugh. If we don't laugh, life becomes a drudgery and a duty. Jesus said He came to give life and life abundantly. I believe that includes laughter. I need some more laughter these days.

Got any good poop stories?

Peace.

4-Year Old Brain

Declan Jett: "Dad, I had a poop that was trying to come out when I was outside."

Me: "It was trying to come out?"

Declan Jett: "Yeah, but the other poops pulled it back in."

Me: "Is that when you went inside to the bathroom?"

Declan Jett: "Yeah. The other poops were holding it in and then it broke."

I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Peace.

Beaches

When I lived in the midwest, a trip to the beach was something that I didn't really think about all that much. I loved to go to Florida or Alabama and see the ocean but I wasn't thinking about it much when I wasn't there. Now that I live 20 minutes from the beach, if I don't go for awhile, I really start to miss it. In the winter sometimes now, I tell the kids that we need to run by the beach and make sure that the ocean is still there. Jett is the official taster to check the saltiness of the water.

We went to the beach today for the first time this season and it was great. The ocean has such a calming effect and it puts my own little life in perspective. There is so much going on in the water and across the water that my issues seem to shrink a bit. Life is so much more than my small world.

It's good to be reminded of that occasionally.

Peace.

Craziness

Let's see, the last seven days...

Wednesday left for Greensboro, NC for a conference on after school programming. Good stuff there; inspiring, infomational, fun.

Home Friday to see the fam. It's amazing how much I miss them in such a short time. It's nice to have one night of quiet to get to chill a little, but then I need the noise that those other four incredible people bring into my life.

Saturday brought three soccer games stacked one after the other and an end of season party to follow the last one. Between the last game and the party, we took a quick trip to Urgent Care so we could get Kendall's scalp stapled back together. She basically fell out of a tree and smacked her head. No concussion, just two staples in her head for about ten days. Went on to the party, picked up the obligatory "we finished the season" trophy and finally went home.

Sunday brought finishing up the talk for church Sunday night. And lots of laundry. Farmed out two kids to various locations and went to hang out with our friends that we haven't seen in two weeks. I really miss the people from church when I don't get to see them much.

Monday and today both saw ten hour work days and home for the night.

Crazy, but a great life.

Peace.

Champs

We went to Charleston, SC last weekend for Brady to play in a soccer tournament. He was a guest player on a U11 team and he was the youngest on the team. They all played some great soccer and won the tournament for their age bracket. Nice work Port City Storm!!

Click the post title to see the team picture of the champs. Brady is the brutally handsome little dude with glasses. Please note that he is sporting a Missouri Tiger wristband that only comes off when he takes a shower. I think he has worn that thing every day for about a year and a half. That's a solid ten year old boy move.

Peace.

Still Here

Oh, I don't have any excuse except, to quote Lane Meyer from "Better Off Dead", "My little brother got his arm stuck in the microwave. So my mom had to take him to the hospital. My grandma dropped acid this morning, and she freaked out. She hijacked a busload of penguins. So it's sort of a family crisis."

So it's not really that bad, it's mostly just busyness that has prevented new posts. That and procrastination. And laziness. But I think I have fixed all of those issues forever so postings should pick up soon. By soon, I mean in the next month at least.

Peace.

Inspiration

I love inspiration. I love the thought of people being gripped by a thought, a dream, a possibility. I love to be the inspiration for others. I love to provoke people to think about where they are in life and how they approach it. I want to help people achieve the fullest of their God-given potential. I have run into a bit of a problem though.

How do you inspire those who don't want to be inspired?

Some people either never had or have lost the ability to dream beyond where they presently are. It doesn't matter if they are 14 years old or 70. Male or female. The foresight and hope are not there. And they seem to be fine with it.

I was thinking about church in relation to inspiration. How many times do we walk out of church and say "What a great sermon" or "Worship was really good today"? It may be a conversation or a message or a song, but we leave with something more than we went in with.

I think many times we get something because we expect something. We go in with the thought that there will be a moment that will push us a little further down the path in the right direction. The same is true when we take a class, go to a conference, read a book or give ourselves to any other learning experience.

What if you don't expect anything though? What if your life is what it is and won't ever be anything else, so you think? That is a hard place to be and I am struggling to know how to bring hope to some of the people I meet that live in this hopeless state.

I thought about writing some ideas about how to bring some inspiration but two things stopped me from actually putting them into words on a screen. First, I am at a loss when it comes to articulating what I am thinking. Secondly, I am not exactly sure what I am thinking.

Any thoughts?

Peace.

Time

I keep putting off writing because I tell myself that I am tired, busy, blocked, hungry, etc. I thought about a quote this week that I had come across a while ago. Kind of put me in my place.

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein."
--H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I may not have the talent or the gifts that this group of people had, but I do have the same amount of time in a day. What it comes down to is discipline. Get up earlier, turn off the TV, force myself to do what needs to be done. It is so easy to just make excuses about not being able to do the things that I would like to do.

What are you not doing that you feel you should be doing? Why are you not doing it? It is not about working yourself into a state of burnout, but it's about using the gifts you (and I) have been given.

Peace.

The Greatest

I know I said I was not going to write about family as influences in my life because that seems to be a given. With this post, I have officially lied.

I got to go away this past weekend to Myrtle Beach with my wife. When you have kids, it is very easy to lose sight of the husband and wife part of the family. It isn't that you forget about being married, it is just so often swamped under everything else that goes on in life. Jobs, friends, soccer practice, bible study, church, dance classes, soccer games, trips to the beach, bills, broken stuff, facebook, writing... You get the idea.

Anyway, I was reminded again why I married this woman. Words cannot do justice to her spirit, her creativity, her love, her laugh, her dreams, her talents, her strength or her life. I often joke about how she threw herself at me because of the Lademann curse (women can't help themselves), but the truth is that I consider myself the most blessed man on the planet to have this woman as such an intimate part of my life.

Rachel, I love you and you are, after God, the greatest influence in my life; the reason I do anything that I do for good. Thank you for loving me.

Peace.

Eugene Peterson

Unlike the previous influences I have written about, this one has no direct connection to my life.

Eugene Peterson is a man that I have never met. I think I have only heard him speak one time and that was on a podcast. He is almost 40 years older than I am. He is brilliant. I am, well...not brilliant.

His books, though, have had a profound influence on the way I see people and the way I want to live my life. He was a pastor at the same church for 29 years. His views on pastoral work go back to the foundation of going through life with people. It is not glamorous. It is not easy. But it is the way a pastor should function.

Sometimes it is difficult to discern whether Peterson is a pastor first and then a writer or if it is the other way around. That is not to say that one area is more important to him or that he is better at one than the other. It means that he loves people and helping them see God in life. He does a great job of communicating that love through the written word.

The way that Eugene Peterson has affected me the most is in helping me see this life as a story, God's story. We have our own, personal stories that are a part of the collective story that God is telling throughout history. I see people now and wonder "What is their story?". I am constantly amazed by what people do, what they have been through and what dreams they have tucked away.

Peterson has caused me to see the story of life and to love it. He has shown me that we are called to love people, in spite of their junk, and show them Jesus. He has shown me the importance of prayer and down time as a pastor. His view of pastoral work is grounded in an organic reality of God's work, not in the business of church. He has inspired me to read classic literature and observe what those writers have seen of life.

Eugene Peterson is that guy, for me, that I will try to read everything that he has written. If I had to pick a favorite, it would have to be "Tell It Slant", which is his latest book and the one I am in the middle of right now. If you are looking to start reading Peterson, pick up "Leap Over A Wall", which is a study on the life of David.

Peace.

Unknown

On our honeymoon, Rachel and I went whitewater rafting. We were in a raft with one other man and his young son. The kid had a hard time sitting still and he nearly took out my new bride's teeth with his paddle at one point. I debated the morality of a pastor baptizing a child by knocking him out of an inflatable raft into a raging river. My practical side prevailed and the boy finished the run down the Nantahala safely in the raft.

Anyway, his father has had a profound impact on my life and I don't even know the man's name. We had a conversation while traveling down the river and he discovered that I was a youth pastor. He was Methodist or Presbyterian or something so we talked a bit around church and God and the like. When we arrived at our destination, I shook his hand, said nice to meet you and fully expected to never see him again. He had already walked out of sight and I had moved on to the next thing when he returned and walked straight to me.

This man, whom I had known for only a couple of hours, said something that has stuck with me to this day. Almost 12 years later I can clearly remember his words.

"Believe God and do what you want to do."

These words have played a part in carrying me halfway across the country to start a church. They continually inspire me to be stretched. This small statement helps me to make God bigger in my everyday life.

Influence can often come from places that we don't expect. Pay attention.

Peace.

3 Boys to Men

Let's be honest. Men are not typically known for having deep relationships. Most of the time, sports, women and alcohol (though not necessarily in that order) can serve as the basis for a long time friendship among guys. We are taught to "man up", don't let anyone in and get through life on the strength we have in our self. Sometimes that works. For about ten minutes.

In thinking about the influences in my life, friends have definitely played a big role. Over the years, from elementary school through to college and beyond, many people have filled that friendship spot, some better than others. Specifically though, there have been three that have stood the test of time.

I met Brett, Joe and Shannon when I was a freshman in high school and we were all clueless, mullet-wearing, collections of rampant hormones. (They may claim they didn't have mullets, but it was the '80's and everyone had a mullet.) Our friendships have weathered the highs and lows that come to any relationship. They have survived the occasional differences over who saw the girl first and who did she look at. Physical distances may have made the conversations a little less regular but, after more than twenty years, the friendships are still standing strong.

These three guys have been the go-to in the clutch people for me for a long time. The late night conversations about God, life and everything else have done as much to shape my thinking as just about anything I have experienced. Whether it be in agreement or disagreement, the foundation stays strong. Regardless of how long it has been since we have all been in the same room at the same time, we pick up right where we left off.

I realize that this kind of friendship is rare and that I am blessed to have had these three men be a part of shaping my life over the years. I am grateful for the roles they have played and I am honored that one is now literally part of my family (brother-in-law--which makes me question his motives for being my friend in the first place!). All that brings me to this place...Thank you my brothers.

Peace.

Obviously

I feel that I need to clarify one thing before I embark on this series of posts on the influences on my life.

My family, like yours I'm sure, has had the greatest influence on my life. Because of the amount of time we spend with those in our immediate family, for better or for worse, they will be among the most profound influencers of just about anyone's life. That is just the way it is. Things that your parents or siblings or grandparents or cousins or any other relative do or say often have the greatest impact.

I understand that and though I don't want to diminish that influence, I don't know if I will write specifically about members of my family. I guess I was looking at it as a given that my family would be at the top of the list.

Just wanted to put that out there so I don't get comments about leaving out some of the most important people in my life. I also didn't want to offend those important people because I left them out. Know that you are at the top, now and always, in such a way that nothing even needs to be written.

Peace.

The Bishop

Phil had left home in the Washington D.C. area in his early teens and traveled around the country from party to party. He knew what it meant to be homeless and that the dumpsters outside of Dunkin’ Donuts always held a good chance for food. He was an alcoholic and, at one point in his life, had been addicted to drugs as well. He worked on riverboats mostly in the Midwest. Just about anywhere you had traveled or were going to visit; Phil had a great story about that place.

At some point, Phil’s life took a drastic turn. He became a follower of Jesus. The drinking and the drugs stopped. He married the love of his life, an equally amazing woman named Dixie. He had three kids who loved their father deeply. He finally settled in a medium sized town in Missouri and eventually became involved in a church I attended. This is where Phil entered my life.

I was working as a youth pastor at the time and Phil came on staff at the church as a janitor. I suppose this is where our friendship really started and began to grow. Phil was as devoted to God as a person could be and as irreverent as anyone I have ever met. He was phenomenally quick-witted and loved any humor involving bodily functions. For a youth Christmas party once, I asked him to be interviewed as Santa’s younger brother, Bear Claus. When asked how Santa got those reindeer to fly, he looked right at me and said “We’re all adults here, aren’t we?”. I yelled that we weren’t because I knew where he was going. He then proceeded to ask a room full of Junior High and High School church kids if the words “threat to castrate” meant anything. I thought one of our leaders was going to have a nervous breakdown on the spot.

Phil could carry on a conversation with a homeless man about the trials of not having a place to live and the next minute, he could be conversing with the president of a bank about the highs and lows of investing. He was a voracious reader. His favorite book was about a snake handling church in Alabama. He loved college basketball and was constantly mystified by his beloved Missouri Tigers. He referred to himself as “The Bishop” because the real power in the church resided in the maintenance department. When he had a personal prayer time, he talked to angels, which was his code for “I fell asleep”.

Aside from all the life and laughter, the most profound thing that Phil brought to those around him was a sense of God’s grace. He was a man who had experienced, and continued to live in, the expansive, unending grace of God. I think it was from this experience that Phil was able to give grace to others. He was so non-judgmental and kind to everyone he met. He was not about the cheap grace that says everyone is ok, but there was a deep sense of gratitude and knowledge that God’s mercies really are new every morning.

My friend, The Bishop, died almost six years ago this spring. He left behind his wife and three kids and innumerable people who loved him. He can still make me laugh out loud when I think of him and now, writing this in a coffee shop, I am fighting tears. I am so grateful that God brought this man into my life to show me in a tangible way what grace looks like. My prayer is that everyone finds someone like the Bishop in their life at some point and that I can be a little like him when I grow up.

Peace.

Influences

If you had a choice, would you rather be a great influence or be greatly influenced?

Like it or not, we are all shaped by what has happened in the past and we pass those shaping forces on to those around us. My family, my co-workers and my friends are all involved in this process of influence, both giving and receiving.

I would like to take a few posts over the next few days and write a bit about the influences that have shaped, and are shaping, my life. They will be in no particular order and will include people, events, books, movies and music.

Feel free to comment on those things that have taken you to where you are today.

Peace.

Inauguration Day

This is a once in a lifetime kind of day. This is the kind of day that, fifty years from now, you remember exactly where you were and what you were doing. It is the kind of day that has the potential to set straight some wrongs from the past and to drastically affect the future of not only our country, but the world.

So as we watched the inauguration of President Barack Obama and drank in the history as it poured out before us, my 4 year old had this to offer:

"Can I pleeeaaase have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

Such is life, isn't it? The grand moment and the reality of everyday inextricably connected. I love it.

Peace.

SNOW!!!

So, yeah, it's gonna snow here. They have not had a "snow event" here since 2003 and everyone is going crazy. It is still about 45 degrees as I write this, and it isn't even raining, but they have canceled school for tomorrow. The county is getting their trucks fitted with plows. The newscasters are giving tips about getting around in the snow. What are we going to do?!!

Did I mention that we MIGHT get two inches of snow?

The problem is that no one knows what to do with it because it so rarely happens here. They are not equipped to deal with any amount of frozen precipitation and so the threat of it shuts life down for a while. Now, it really might snow two inches and people really don't know how to drive in it so there really could be some issues on the roads. The threat alone, though, is enough for all of us to go into hibernation mode.

I am not going to complain. I have an optional work day tomorrow which, tacked on to the MLK Holiday, makes a four day weekend. I would love to wake up and see the ground covered in snow. If it isn't too terrible, maybe we will drive to the beach to see it snow on the ocean.

There is this thing inside me that has gone back to being a kid in school and the weatherman has said that there is a snow storm coming so check in the morning to see about school cancellations. I don't know if there is a worse feeling as a kid than to wake up expecting to see a brand new, shiny blanket of snow and you look out the window and everything is the same dull color of brown that it was the night before. It is almost enough to make you throw up so you still don't have to go to school.

I hope that doesn't happen to me tomorrow.

I will let you know.

Peace.

Write

I have had this thing in the back of my head for years. No, it isn't one of those plugs that allow me to enter the matrix, but that might be cool. I would download the ability to down an entire package of Chips Ahoy cookies daily and not feel the effects... but I digress. I have had this nagging voice in my head that keeps telling me to write. Unfortunately, The Voice doesn't tell me what to write or what to do once it is written.

The one thing that you learn when you think you want to be a writer and you read books about writing and talk to people who might help you become a writer is that they all say the same thing. You need to write. It doesn't matter what you write, it just matters that you write. Write. Anything. Write it. And then when you finish that, write some more. Did I mention that you need to write?

I want to write. I want people to pay me to write. I want to change lives when I write. I want to entertain when I write. I want people to think about what I write. I want to be entertained when I write. I want to write in my cabin in the mountains and inspire people. I want to get a cabin in the mountains.

OK, seriously, the irony of this whole thing is that I spend my time telling kids that they can do anything. I tell them to dream and to pursue that dream. I tell them that it is going to take work, but keep that dream in front of them. I tell them to expect obstacles and to climb over them. I tell them not to quit.

Maybe I should listen to myself sometime.

Peace.

Three Word Sentences

Not much posting. Been crazy busy. Writer's block too. Bad, bad combination.

Three word sentences. Mix things up. Laxative for brain. Will this help? We shall see.

More to come.

I certainly hope.

Peace.

Finding a balance

I have been wrestling with something for quite a while.

I am trying to wrap my head around confidently using the gifts that God has given while walking in humility. It is not that I am so amazing that I cannot stay humble. I am well aware of my shortcomings and the daily events that take place remind me of my need to remain reliant on God. My problem comes on the confidence end of things.

I believe that God has given me certain gifts and that those gifts are to be used. I don't want to think more highly of myself than I ought. Where is the balance?

I look in the Bible and there are men and women that God placed in leadership roles and they excelled in those positions. There are Godly men and women around me that seem completely comfortable in promoting their gifts.

What I want to do is find that balance, every day, between doing what God has laid in front of me to do and knowing that everything that I have comes from Him. I want to be confident to do and say what He would have me do and say.

Humility, to me, is not shrinking from life. Humility is going through life knowing that God holds everything in His hands and, ultimately, He is responsible. To steal a line from Pete Greig in "The Vision", I guess I need to "pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on me".

Peace.

'08 Haiku

This is my end of year post only two days late. That's pretty good for me. I thought about resolutions but I don't really make them. I thought about a month by month review but you don't want to read that much and I can't remember that much. I thought about making stuff up but that's not really fair (or honest). So I went with everyone's favorite form of poetry. Enjoy!

The year 0-0-8
It went by so very fast.
What really happened?

Three kids were busy.
I can’t remember it all;
I do not rest much.

Brady was a champ.
Mt. Olive soccer tourney.
Pickle jar trophy.

Kendall so loves dance.
She was a polichinelle
In the Nutcracker.

Jett is four years old.
He loves most things in his life-
Not the broken arm.

Rach has a business.
She is mom and she home-schools.
Life is quite hectic.

I work with tough kids.
They need someone to love them;
I’m glad to do it.

Beginning a church,
It is difficult to do.
We are trusting God.

That’s a quick review.
What will the New Year bring us?
Only time will tell.

Peace.