Once again, it has been over a month since the last posting here. I seem to find myself caught up between wanting to write, and write well, and wondering who is reading and who am I writing for. (As a side note, I think everyone I have talked with who is an aspiring writer has had these same thoughts.)
I suppose, when it all comes down, that I am writing for myself and when I don't write, it is out of fear...fear of being "wrong", fear of not writing well, fear of putting thoughts out there that might confirm that I am not "normal".
It is amazing the power that fear can wield. No one has told me that I am wrong or don't write well. No one has said "I wish you would stop writing because you are way off and I don't like your style". It is an internal voice that persuades me that things are not going to work out the way I want them to. It can be paralyzing.
My mother once told me that she thought I was a perfectionist. I thought she had missed it because things don't have to be perfect for me (check out my college transcript if you doubt me!). She explained that I was a perfectionist in that, if I didn't think I would be very good at something, I would just walk away from it. I would be done with it and not even give it a second thought.
For me, perfectionism is the same thing as fear. No one gets everything right all the time. NO ONE! I know this and still, I hesitate. I hedge. I talk myself out of opportunities and dreams because...well, because. Fear slips in and continues to back me away from things that God may have laid in front of me.
I am working on it. I have several irons in the fire that could become reality and they scare me a bit. I am doing my best to trust God and His hand on my life. I am asking Him for boldness believing that He will answer.
Peace.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Seed in the Ground
Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:24
Damn.
Stay strong, don't give up and remain alone. Die and you produce fruit. Seems ludicrous on the surface. Everything in us screams to get things done ourselves; no need to rely on others and, whatever you do, do not show weakness.
The issue is that our culture tells us, everyday, to live. You deserve a vacation. You deserve a nice car. You deserve an easy life. You deserve to get your piece of the pie.
Jesus says that the grain has to die before it produces; otherwise, it just remains itself and what is one grain of wheat?
In the ground though, it's cold and dark and messy and cramped. Death is not the preferred road. It's not fun and it's UnAmerican.
It is the way of Jesus.
Damn.
Peace.
Damn.
Stay strong, don't give up and remain alone. Die and you produce fruit. Seems ludicrous on the surface. Everything in us screams to get things done ourselves; no need to rely on others and, whatever you do, do not show weakness.
The issue is that our culture tells us, everyday, to live. You deserve a vacation. You deserve a nice car. You deserve an easy life. You deserve to get your piece of the pie.
Jesus says that the grain has to die before it produces; otherwise, it just remains itself and what is one grain of wheat?
In the ground though, it's cold and dark and messy and cramped. Death is not the preferred road. It's not fun and it's UnAmerican.
It is the way of Jesus.
Damn.
Peace.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
40 Haikus
I had a pretty significant birthday last week. I have been on this planet for a long time now. I thought about doing a retrospective of my life but it seems a little arrogant to do it at this point and for public consumption. I'll do my real introspection somewhere else.
I went with haikus because they are to the point, they don't have to rhyme, they make my brain work a little and everyone enjoys a good haiku, don't they? (Not that these are good!)
So here are my 40 haikus, that is haikus about turning 40-there are not 40 of them. If you would like to comment, please do so in a haiku (five syllable first line, seven syllable second line, five syllable third line). Try it, it might be fun.
Look forward to hearing from you.
Four zero, that's me,
I'm too young to be this old.
How did it happen?
Forty's a number,
Large when related to age,
Halfway to eighty.
I just turned forty
Doesn't really bother me.
Bothers Mom a lot.
Forty years old now
Getting the most out of it,
Life has just begun.
Thanks, Lord, for this time.
Forty years have been brilliant.
Help me finish strong.
Is this middle age?
Body can't go like before,
Maybe I'll play Wii.
Really an adult
At forty, no more excuse.
What will happen next?
Peace.
I went with haikus because they are to the point, they don't have to rhyme, they make my brain work a little and everyone enjoys a good haiku, don't they? (Not that these are good!)
So here are my 40 haikus, that is haikus about turning 40-there are not 40 of them. If you would like to comment, please do so in a haiku (five syllable first line, seven syllable second line, five syllable third line). Try it, it might be fun.
Look forward to hearing from you.
Four zero, that's me,
I'm too young to be this old.
How did it happen?
Forty's a number,
Large when related to age,
Halfway to eighty.
I just turned forty
Doesn't really bother me.
Bothers Mom a lot.
Forty years old now
Getting the most out of it,
Life has just begun.
Thanks, Lord, for this time.
Forty years have been brilliant.
Help me finish strong.
Is this middle age?
Body can't go like before,
Maybe I'll play Wii.
Really an adult
At forty, no more excuse.
What will happen next?
Peace.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Cone of Uncertainty
The last week or so here on the coast, we were reminded of a popular term this time of year, the "cone of uncertainty". It is used when discussing the projected path of a potentially dangerous hurricane. The cone of uncertainty describes the possible deviations of the hurricane path on either side of the eye. If you're wondering, it is not considered a good thing if you find yourself in the cone of uncertainty.
I started thinking about the cone of uncertainty as it pertains to life. It seems that we live most of our lives in that red area surrounding the main part of life. We make decisions and take actions when we can't really see the end. Occasionally, you get a very clear path, but mostly we fumble through the dark doing the best we can.
Here are a few tips if you find yourself in the cone of uncertainty of life...
1. Trust that God knows the path and that He is guiding your life. Believe that
He is with you.
2. Do what you know to do. For a hurricane, you stock up on water and food, make sure you have batteries and prepare to ride out the storm. For life, you live out Micah 6:8-"...to do justice, and to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God".
3. Be alert and aware. Read the signs, listen to people who know a little more; don't think you know it already and settle in. Things can change.
4. Remember that tomorrow is another day. The storm may hit or it may turn away. Each day brings new opportunity to move forward.
Peace.
I started thinking about the cone of uncertainty as it pertains to life. It seems that we live most of our lives in that red area surrounding the main part of life. We make decisions and take actions when we can't really see the end. Occasionally, you get a very clear path, but mostly we fumble through the dark doing the best we can.
Here are a few tips if you find yourself in the cone of uncertainty of life...
1. Trust that God knows the path and that He is guiding your life. Believe that
He is with you.
2. Do what you know to do. For a hurricane, you stock up on water and food, make sure you have batteries and prepare to ride out the storm. For life, you live out Micah 6:8-"...to do justice, and to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God".
3. Be alert and aware. Read the signs, listen to people who know a little more; don't think you know it already and settle in. Things can change.
4. Remember that tomorrow is another day. The storm may hit or it may turn away. Each day brings new opportunity to move forward.
Peace.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
humility and love
Early in the second chapter of the book of Mark, there is a great story of a man who was paralyzed and was brought to Jesus to be healed. Four of the man's friends have carried him to where Jesus is, only to find that there is no way to get to Jesus. The four men climb to the roof, carrying their friend, and proceed to dismantle the roof and lower the paralytic through so he is in front of Jesus. Jesus forgives the man's sins and then, to prove that He has that authority, he heals the man physically.
I have read this story throughout my life and it is one of the ones that is often learned in Sunday School as a small child. This last week I saw something in the story that had never come to my attention before.
In order for these men to come to the point of carrying their friend to the Lord, something had to spark the idea. They didn't just wake up and find themselves hauling a lame man on a bed to a random location to see a man they didn't know for an unspecified reason. There was some communication that took place that brought these men to the place they were.
Two thoughts...
One, if the lame man suggested to his friends that they take him to Jesus, it took great humility on his part to ask for help. He had to admit that he didn't have what it took to get where he needed to be in order to be made whole. We don't like to be in that place of discovering that we don't have the strength, control, ability, whatever, to do what we need to do. It is difficult to humble ourselves and ask for friends to carry us to Jesus.
Two, if the lame man's friends approached him about taking him to Jesus, there was great love in their suggestion. They saw their friend in a place of need and offered to take him to a place where he could be made whole. They didn't just talk about taking him, there was action. They loved him enough to give their time and their efforts to carry him to Jesus, overcoming obstacles in the process.
At some point in our life, we will find ourselves in one of these two roles. Sometimes, we will be weak and need to ask others to carry us. The hard part is to let others do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Other times will find us full of strength and faith and we need to love people enough to truly pray and give of what we have to serve them.
Where are you now? If you're paralyzed, let others know that you need them. Let them know that you cannot move yourself and they need to carry you a bit. Be humble and allow them to do the work for you that you cannot do.
If you are strong, ask your friends what they need. Love them enough to offer your strength and pray alongside them. If there are practical, tangible things you can do, go there as well.
Peace.
I have read this story throughout my life and it is one of the ones that is often learned in Sunday School as a small child. This last week I saw something in the story that had never come to my attention before.
In order for these men to come to the point of carrying their friend to the Lord, something had to spark the idea. They didn't just wake up and find themselves hauling a lame man on a bed to a random location to see a man they didn't know for an unspecified reason. There was some communication that took place that brought these men to the place they were.
Two thoughts...
One, if the lame man suggested to his friends that they take him to Jesus, it took great humility on his part to ask for help. He had to admit that he didn't have what it took to get where he needed to be in order to be made whole. We don't like to be in that place of discovering that we don't have the strength, control, ability, whatever, to do what we need to do. It is difficult to humble ourselves and ask for friends to carry us to Jesus.
Two, if the lame man's friends approached him about taking him to Jesus, there was great love in their suggestion. They saw their friend in a place of need and offered to take him to a place where he could be made whole. They didn't just talk about taking him, there was action. They loved him enough to give their time and their efforts to carry him to Jesus, overcoming obstacles in the process.
At some point in our life, we will find ourselves in one of these two roles. Sometimes, we will be weak and need to ask others to carry us. The hard part is to let others do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Other times will find us full of strength and faith and we need to love people enough to truly pray and give of what we have to serve them.
Where are you now? If you're paralyzed, let others know that you need them. Let them know that you cannot move yourself and they need to carry you a bit. Be humble and allow them to do the work for you that you cannot do.
If you are strong, ask your friends what they need. Love them enough to offer your strength and pray alongside them. If there are practical, tangible things you can do, go there as well.
Peace.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
SeeSaw
Back and forth I go.
Some days, I'm ready to take over the world and inspire others to reach their greatest heights. Other days, it's all I can do to be nice to the dog.
On occasion, I honestly know what I want to do when I grow up and I believe that I will be great at what I do. More often than not, I wonder if I should have kept my overnight job at Target.
There are times that I think that my kids have listened and internalized all the good lessons my wife and I have imparted to them. Usually, they are having a heated argument about whether or not one of them said the word "butt".
Someday I will get there, wherever "there" is. I will know for certain what I am supposed to be doing, how to get it done and that I am doing it well. Until then, I will see through the glass dimly. And trust.
Back and forth I go.
Peace.
Some days, I'm ready to take over the world and inspire others to reach their greatest heights. Other days, it's all I can do to be nice to the dog.
On occasion, I honestly know what I want to do when I grow up and I believe that I will be great at what I do. More often than not, I wonder if I should have kept my overnight job at Target.
There are times that I think that my kids have listened and internalized all the good lessons my wife and I have imparted to them. Usually, they are having a heated argument about whether or not one of them said the word "butt".
Someday I will get there, wherever "there" is. I will know for certain what I am supposed to be doing, how to get it done and that I am doing it well. Until then, I will see through the glass dimly. And trust.
Back and forth I go.
Peace.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Moments
Our church moved into a new meeting space in downtown Wilmington, NC yesterday. We sent this to the church early last week. Just posting it here for anyone who may be interested. Keep praying for us.
Moments. They happen very obviously in the movies. The dialogue gets more real, every thing around the moment fades into the background and, the biggest moment cue of them all, the music begins; either strikingly dramatic or subtly engaging. The "moments" are hard to miss in a movie.
Real life moments are not quite so obvious. Most of us are not clever enough to come up with lines like "You complete me" or "I'm your huckleberry" off the top of our head. Life does not stop and wait for you while you have a life changing conversation with your boss. And, unless you constantly have your ipod handy and cued up, there is no music to let you know that you should be paying attention to what is happening here.
Allow me to fade the background a bit, maybe say a witty line or two, and start the dramatic music.
This Sunday, June 6th, 2010, is a moment for Wilmington Community Church. This has the potential to be a time that we look back on as a big step in the life of our church. We have been meeting in Steve and Sara's house for almost three years now and it has been a great time. At the very beginning, there were five adults and seven children (it still feels like the children outnumber the adults!). We have almost tripled in numbers in that time, but more importantly we have gone deeper in our relationships with one another and in our understanding of who God is in our lives.
Moving downtown to meet at Communities In Schools is a big deal but we want to see it for what it is-a next step in the process of doing what God would have us to do. We believe that God has given us, as a church, a role to play in the city of Wilmington. We believe that He has more people for us to love and with whom to share the life we have found in Jesus. We believe He has brought us this far and that He will continue to guide us.
Take a moment this week to thank God for the opportunity that He is laying before us. Ask Him for wisdom as we begin this next chapter in the life of Wilmington Community Church. Ask Him to bless Steve and Sara for their faithfulness in opening their home for the last three years. Ask Him to guide us to those He would add to our lives. In all of that, thank Him for giving us His Son so that we might know what redemption and salvation means.
This is a moment, a big moment for sure, but merely a step toward who God is calling us to be.
Peace.
Moments. They happen very obviously in the movies. The dialogue gets more real, every thing around the moment fades into the background and, the biggest moment cue of them all, the music begins; either strikingly dramatic or subtly engaging. The "moments" are hard to miss in a movie.
Real life moments are not quite so obvious. Most of us are not clever enough to come up with lines like "You complete me" or "I'm your huckleberry" off the top of our head. Life does not stop and wait for you while you have a life changing conversation with your boss. And, unless you constantly have your ipod handy and cued up, there is no music to let you know that you should be paying attention to what is happening here.
Allow me to fade the background a bit, maybe say a witty line or two, and start the dramatic music.
This Sunday, June 6th, 2010, is a moment for Wilmington Community Church. This has the potential to be a time that we look back on as a big step in the life of our church. We have been meeting in Steve and Sara's house for almost three years now and it has been a great time. At the very beginning, there were five adults and seven children (it still feels like the children outnumber the adults!). We have almost tripled in numbers in that time, but more importantly we have gone deeper in our relationships with one another and in our understanding of who God is in our lives.
Moving downtown to meet at Communities In Schools is a big deal but we want to see it for what it is-a next step in the process of doing what God would have us to do. We believe that God has given us, as a church, a role to play in the city of Wilmington. We believe that He has more people for us to love and with whom to share the life we have found in Jesus. We believe He has brought us this far and that He will continue to guide us.
Take a moment this week to thank God for the opportunity that He is laying before us. Ask Him for wisdom as we begin this next chapter in the life of Wilmington Community Church. Ask Him to bless Steve and Sara for their faithfulness in opening their home for the last three years. Ask Him to guide us to those He would add to our lives. In all of that, thank Him for giving us His Son so that we might know what redemption and salvation means.
This is a moment, a big moment for sure, but merely a step toward who God is calling us to be.
Peace.
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