Shortcomings

All my life, I have done a tremendous job of holding myself back.

I don't know what triggered this thought, but it hit me pretty hard yesterday afternoon. It seems like life does that though, doesn't it? You are cruising along, doing what you do, and "WHAM!...Deal with this!!". Whoa.

I realized that I have been the King of Lame Excuses, The Master Procrastinator and The Talent/Gift Comparison Expert all rolled into one tall, skinny, bald-headed package. I have had things all my life that I would like to do or try and, one way or another, I have talked myself out of them. Dreams that have gone unrealized because I was too afraid to attempt to catch them, suitcases that have remained unpacked because I decided against the trip, excitement that has been kept to myself because I feel the need to be under control; I think they all boil down to two things.

Fear of man and lack of faith.

These two probably run together hand in hand down the beach every time I decide that I know what is the best for me and I leave God out of the equation. I have probably squandered multiple opportunities to realize fully what God has had for me over the years. That doesn't mean that I have missed God or that I have been outside of His will. It just means that I have not fully immersed myself in what He has given me.

The fear of man comes in the form of wondering what others will think, as well as not being sure of my own abilities to do something "well". The lack of faith is not believing that God might call me to give myself to a certain task because it could be beyond me.

I don't know that I won't be afraid or that I will have abundant faith from this point forward. I do know that I am aware of my (multiple) shortcomings and will daily lay them at the feet of my King.

Peace.